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Let's Start Over



Hello, it's Becky. Long time, no speak. Grab a cuppa and I'll tell you where I've been.

[Trigger Warning: Depression, Anxiety, Break Ups, Deaths]

The last, let's say, eighteen months have been challenging for me. I won't go into detail but having to deal with relationship breakdown, starting a new job, moving house, and the death of relatives, has had a big effect on me and it's completely sucked the every drop of creativity I had out of my bones. I felt like I was losing grasp on blogging, as you can tell from the sporadic posts I managed to write up here and there. In fact, I felt like I was losing grasp on everything. I ended up seeing a therapist, as you might have read in a previous post. My mental health took a battering. It took a long time for me to feel okay again.


Am I okay now?

Well, yes and no. Like with all mental health disorders I have good days and I have bad days. The worst days are when I can't prise myself out my bed because I don't see the point in getting up or being awake. Other days I can't face leaving the house and just make up some bullshit excuse to get out of going to whatever plans I had made. It's improving though, I find forcing myself to go places if I'm unsure is usually the best. Some days it's a definite 'Nope', but on the days where I'm not sure it usually turns out to be a good idea to just get out the house and see people.

I have a better support group around me now and I can talk about things more openly. My friends can deal with my panic attacks, instead of awkwardly laughing them off and ignoring it, because they understand it better. Which is all down to me talking about it more. Talking helps!

Plus, I can actually look back over the last 18 months and be proud of all the cool places I've been, and new friends I've made. I had a look through my 2016 photos and was really happy to see all the things I'd done. It's not been all doom and gloom, it's just my brain that made me feel that way.


Let's start Over

The sad bit about how I've dealt with my mental health is that I've stopped doing things I loved. In fact, I do pretty much nothing nowadays which isn't very healthy.  I miss blogging. I miss making videos for YouTube. I miss creating things that I am proud of, and that's why I am starting over.

Geek Gets Glam has had a *few* makeovers the last eighteen months but I am now much more certain of where I'm heading with this blog. I want to focus more on my passions, and I can do that here. I am going to care less about numbers and start over; When I started blogging years ago I was chuffed at having just five page views and I miss that positive outlook that someone out there is reading my writing, it doesn't matter if it is one person or a hundred.

I want to do more vlogging in the next six months. When I was little, my sister and I would spend HOURS making films on our family camcorder (high five if you're old enough to remember owning one of those massive square camcorders) so it feels natural to me to keep creating bits of film with a bit more substance than beauty reviews (which I spent years doing in my teens). I am also getting back into creative writing which is something I love (not ready to share that with you all yet though!)

When life gives you lemons...

I hate to be cliche, but when life gives you lemons you have to make lemonade. Make the most out of the bad situation. I always used to let the awful things happening to me consume my life, and it wasn't until my Grandad passed away in February I realised life is not worth being miserable all the time. He taught me to be creative, to make up stories, to play and have fun. And that's something I want to carry on doing moving forward. I need to be less cautious and do what I want to do. I need to start saying 'no' to things I don't want to do. Slowly but surely I think I'm getting there.

Thank you for reading this brain dump post, we'll be back to regular scheduling on Geek Gets Glam soon *eek!* and also I am going to make a separate vlog for more personal types of content - keep your eyes peeled!


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4 comments

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